Go M.A.D.

Pass the Grace, Please: Family Edition

• Doug and Brad Hutchcraft • Season 5 • Episode 3

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The holidays! Depending on your point of view, that word can invoke a sense of anticipation or impending doom. After discussing our celebrity guest Thanksgiving table wish lists (Brad definitely wins), the bros break down the major stressors that may be lurking around the corner this holiday season. What do we do with that one family member who is way too passionate about politics? Who's been avoiding your calls? Or who hogs all the stuffing? Doug and Brad talk through how to be a grace-giver to our families.


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SPEAKER_02:

Welcome everyone to another episode of Go Mad with Doug and Brad. Doug, Brad, and Jesse here. It is. We are ready to rock here. And today's topic is Pass the Grace, please, the Family Edition. We all know we're heading into Thanksgiving, Christmas, all the holiday happenings ahead, and we want to be able to help you be ambassadors of grace in the season ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you really feel like this is an issue? I don't know that many people deal with members being annoying. Like two people, maybe three people. You're right. For those two or three out there, just send it to them. No, everybody's got something like this going on.

SPEAKER_02:

And do share uh this because as you're tuning in today, first time uh millionth time, we don't have a million episodes, but you are joining people. Check this out. Recent stats. I just pull this up sometimes for fun. You're joining people from 90 countries and territories. What? In nearly 3,000 cities, including two of our recent country editions, are Lancashire and Prague.

SPEAKER_00:

I knew Lancashire had started to tune in.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you you had that stuff. I just had that vibe. So please do share this with friends, with family members that uh you think would be encouraged by knowing more about passing the grace, please. The family edition. I know I love that. I didn't know that. Thank you. So I have a question for you guys. You see that I am uh if you're not watching on YouTube, at least go check it out for a moment.

SPEAKER_00:

If uh just trust me on this one, you've never seen a hoodie like this. There's many proudest purchases.

SPEAKER_02:

There's many hoodies, there are none like this. And along with this, uh, I want to ask you guys, Thanksgiving is coming up as we talk about people maybe around the family table with us coming up. Who is one celebrity? You have I have not heard their answer to this, past or present. Now I'm ruling out if you're like, well, Jesus was a celebrity that we're not Bible is. I know no Bible answered. All right, so we're gonna uh we're gonna go away from that and just say one celebrity, past or present, you'd like to have over for Thanksgiving dinner.

SPEAKER_00:

I had a hard time choosing this. And I'm I I was choosing between Darth Vader because you know how many people are at our table and how hard it is to be passing all the food, and it by the time the green beans are there, it's been 40 minutes, they're cold. Just say Vader forced me the Wow. He's the dark side guy. No, wait, I didn't choose him. I didn't choose him, but imagine how cool it would be for him to force you the mashed potatoes over everything. All right, but I landed on Snuffleopagus. I'm having an issue with both of these.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

Hold on, hold on. You know Snuffelopagus. You know, Snuffelopagus is the kind of hairy, I see, an elephant who knows um the the guy from Sesame Street. Yes. Be so encouraging. And and we all need that.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you feel like Snuffleopagus? I'm sorry, how would he feel about a fried bird, big bird, being on the table?

SPEAKER_00:

I'll have to rethink this because he's so insensitive. But he's so encouraging. Doug, you look so good in your Thanksgiving blazer.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow. Who's on the table? Who is that? Did I know him? I don't think that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_02:

I am so glad I didn't know these beforehand. Oh, okay. So Jesse, who would you say? You're so much better.

SPEAKER_01:

What do you got? Uh so I I don't like these questions because it feels like I'll just lie awake at night going, oh, how could I not choose, you know, this and it's like And it could get back to them. Yeah, you know. It could get back to them. Snuffle up against. He gets around. You have all of history, and like, oh man, Augustine or John Owen or Thomas Aquinas or some great theologian. But then but then I think I'd I think I would choose Shaq. You know, I'm just thinking about with someone that like I really adm admire and like I would want to ask all the questions. And you know, I'm just creating undue stress or unnecessary stress around the Thanksgiving table. If it's Shaq, I feel like he would just like he would just fit in and that would just be like we would just have normal conversation. Wow. And it would just and then I'd be able to tell everyone oh yeah, I had uh I had Shaq over for Thanksgiving the other day.

SPEAKER_02:

So that would be that would be pretty good because people know Shaq. That's uh and plus you could talk all the sports with them.

SPEAKER_00:

Nothing like having no, I wouldn't talk about sports at all. Seven foot ten inch guy playing all the turkey.

SPEAKER_02:

So we've gone from Snuffle up against to Augustine uh to Shaq. Who you got? Who you got? It is a stressful question, um, but I'm gonna go with it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. A beautiful day in the neighborhood.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that's a great choice.

SPEAKER_02:

Would you pass that? Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers Gumble, they're very similar, similar vibe. That's right, Mr. Rogers. Nice, Mr. Rogers, because can't you imagine the nicest guy ever? He's the awesome. Can't you imagine him saying, Pass the potatoes, please? I mean, you know what? He would just he would be so nice. And if I was like really just hoarding all of the food, which has never happened, at my plate, which again never has happened, uh I wouldn't have to worry about him getting angry. Uh it would just be, I mean, he'd just be like, Brad.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, I just Mr. Rogers taught us all proper foot footwear removal and and adhesion. Yeah. Uh real quick, like you just kind of you just kind of mentioned this. If things get stressful for you, um try whatever you're saying that's that's getting stressful in his voice. So instead of, are you crazy, you're burning the turkey? You go, Are you crazy? You're burning the turkey.

SPEAKER_02:

I have to try this. It'll drive Sarah nuts for about a week. I'm just gonna do that. That is love Rogers. Mr. Rogers. Now I will say that there's part of the reason I would choose him is because of even what we're talking about today. It would he be the best at passing the grace around the table? Because I there's a quote about him uh a few years after he passed away, actually, where they said he was a balm of kindness and empathy in divisive times. If we could, I mean, if the world we live in today, uh how could we need that more than the world we live in today? We need more Mr. Rogers Rogers Eyes, Rogers uh in today's world. Wait, couldn't we? I mean, we really need people who will be that salt and light and that grace giver today.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, grace is one of those words that's like it it honestly for me in the past it's been like a fluffy word, like a I don't know, just one of those that seem oh, grace is nice, but it's actually a power word. When you can put grace into your relationships, listen to this Romans 5, 20 and 21. The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. Talk in the gospel here. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more so that just as sin reigned in death, get this, grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Biblical grace is powerful stuff. It includes God's resurrection power to change everything, including life over death. What if we could get that kind of power into our relationships?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, absolutely. Because I I love this uh uh definition of grace that I heard dad give just last week. He was just sharing uh in our chapel. And we need ambassadors of grace. Uh, this show's all about being an ambassador uh for Jesus and what better place than in your family. Uh, but he said grace is love when there's no reason. And I do love that, that it is because we live in a world that is just spiraling out of control. We just came off of government shutdown. We just say the sides fighting with each other, and sometimes we seem so shocked by it. But you look at 2 Timothy 3:1, but mark this there will be terrible times in the last days, and Paul goes on to write why that is. There are eight Greek without words in these verses, uh, in verses uh chapter three, verses two through four. It says, We're without obedience, gratitude, holiness, love, forgiveness, we're without self-control, we're without love or what's good. So our hearts really are crying out, where's their hope? Where's this grace? Where can it be coming from? And the answer is head to the mirror. Oh, wow. It needs to start with each one of us because if you're a model of grace, well, guess what? You're going to show others how to be that very person.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, I've heard grace described giving what isn't deserved. And I mean, salvation is the ultimate example of that. Uh, as a Jesus ambassador, this is what this podcast is all about. We're Christ's ambassadors, as if God is making his appeal through us, his appeal for people to be rescued, right with him. So, as Jesus Ambassador, this holiday season, we're representing grace, the power of putting others first and showing kindness even when it isn't deserved. And the thing is, we all know the family is a favorite battlefield for the devil. He hates marriage, he hates family, and most of all, the God who calls himself father. So God places such a huge value on family. So the enemy places a huge value on breaking them up. Um, so as we come together for holiday celebrations, let's not be naive. There's a lot more going on than just turkey and all the trimmings. There's spiritual warfare happening.

SPEAKER_02:

Doug, if you could, well, last year we um covered this in a podcast. If you want to go back and listen to it, it's Family Fight Fest. We we covered four people. Uh can you just summarize who who might be around our table? And again, we're not going to flesh it out here, but you can go listen to that one. Uh, but who might be around the family table?

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, you might have Wayward Walter there, um maybe representing the family member that thinks Christians are to blame for all the world's bad stuff bigotry, homophobia, all that. You might have outspoken Annie. She's got an opinion about everything, and it's usually loud. Um you got distant Donnie. He's given up on life, maybe. Uh doesn't seem to care. He's he's depressed, maybe. Lots of times, folks like him have had a lot of disappointments in life. He's pretty discouraged. And finally, you might run into disgruntled Doris who gets angry about everything quickly. Everything seems to annoy her. What do you mean we're having brown gravy? Everyone knows white gravy is better. What's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_02:

Um You can almost hear the people that are listening right now, as you just even summarized those, going, mmm, to one of those. That's right. Don't do it too loudly in the car if that person's next to you. No elbowing the person next to you. But it's really true. And that so we have all these people around the table. Uh, whether it's uh, you know, literally around the table or we're just traveling with them, we go see them at their homes, whatever. Um, and what we're gonna look at real quick is uh in this is three ways that we three destinations on the Amazing Grace roadmap to be able to share grace and show grace. I love to pass the grace, please. Three destinations, and we're doing that kind of with the taking a look at some things we've learned from David. You look at um, we won't read all this, but first Samuel 24, verses 1 through 7. David has been on the run from Saul. Saul finds where he's at, someone squealed on David and is like, hey, he's over there. And I and so Saul goes after him, he's getting really close. David has an opportunity to take Saul out, and it says that he goes into this cave. Saul would have been easy for David to eliminate because David knew he was going to be king, and David killed Saul's wardrobe. Uh, he he snips off a piece of his robe. That's a basic it is just saying, hey, he knows I was here, but he shows Saul grace by saying, I'm not going to be that guy. And so David, throughout his life, we learned everything about grace, but we see in that moment that David is a man after God's own heart. He wants to be that make-a-difference person. Was he perfect? Certainly not. Isn't that great that we know that?

SPEAKER_00:

That he wasn't perfect, because I'm not it honestly encourages me. Yeah. Uh yeah. He's uh uh and Saul was in what we might call a compromising position. He was at the moment. We won't go into that. So so can I hit destination number one here? Yeah, for sure. So destination number one is that Grace, think about when we when we talk about these, think about these in the context of your family gatherings and relationships beyond the holidays, too. But Grace embraces and elevates the hurting. See, hurt, we gotta remember that hurt lashes out, hurt hurts others. Um, we got to remember that there are needs behind these deeds that annoy us so much. I just watched, I just saw this recently. Um, a late-night talk show host, everyone recognize him, uh, his wife uh was talking in an interview about how she has completely stopped talking to her family because of political disagreements. Completely lost these relationships. And at first, I'm rolling my eyes, I'm going, This is so dumb. How could you do this? Then she started to tear up and get really emotional, and she said, It just hurts so much. Um, here's somebody who's who's obviously putting too much um emphasis on political folks or politics or whatever. But if you're a believer and have a family member that annoys the daylights out of you, remember that just right behind those those um annoying moments, and even when they won't interact with you, like she was saying, there are deep needs behind that. So we put our Jesus eyes on. We say, help me to see what you're seeing here, Lord, rather than lashing out, help me respond in a way that draws this person that I love to you. Because what if this time that you're dreading so much is actually a time orchestrated by God for you to be his representative to this family member? And and what if they see something in you? Patience, joy, kindness that is a magnet for them to your savior.

SPEAKER_02:

That is so good. And and we all have been there where we hit that moment where you say kind of where things are out of balance, where we're putting too much weight on one thing or the other, and we all face those times. So uh that lady who shared that, it we all feel that at times. Where it's just like, why is this, why has this become such a big deal? And we it's hard, isn't it? It is hard to show grace to someone when and and to elevate the hurting when we're hurting. Uh, we get that. That when you have other people around you who are hurting, it doesn't mean that you're not. That's right, but it does mean that you're willing to say, I'm gonna put my hurt aside, or and sometimes it's not even hurt, it's just frustration, it's inconvenience or whatever, and you're willing to say, I'm gonna put that aside to be the hands and feet of Jesus. The place for me that that just recently was a challenge, and it was so dumb that it caused any sort of emotion in me whatsoever. Denny's.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh Denny's is known for bringing it.

SPEAKER_02:

It was just a local Denny's, uh not local, it was nearby here, though, but and we were there was a lady there who was seating people. She was the only waitress there right then. She's running around like crazy. She may have been cooking in the kitchen. I don't know. Um and I'm just like, um, we had to wait a long time just for the table. We wound up just saying, well, we probably can't say because we were on a schedule. But at first I was a little frustrated, and then I would just told Sarah, I'm just like, what is wrong with me? I'm like, I didn't get a table quick enough. This lady is doing like eight jobs. We all know that's a stress point in today's world where people don't have enough staff. And and I'm just like, how I should have been thinking, how could I have shown grace to her when probably not many other people were? So sometimes it's this big area where we're like, man, I can show grace in the big things. And then we get that little daily moment and we're like, oh wait, I totally failed there. So, but we can elevate the hurting and learn from those mistakes and say, next time around, I'm getting this right.

SPEAKER_00:

I've been there too, made the same exact kind of mistake. See, the difference between, yes, we're all hurting, especially when you've grown up with somebody, um, everyone knows each other's faults, everyone, everyone knows each other's warts. But you uh the difference between you and maybe a family member that doesn't have Jesus is that you have the power actually in you, the resurrection power, to be able to be patient, to be able to be loving. And maybe there's someone who's a believer but just is not walking close with the Lord and they're they're angry all the time. That's a big difference. Can I jump into destination number two?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh, here we go. So grace refuses to give those who hurt you what they deserve. Ooh, the Empire does not strike back. That was nice. I, you know, it is true though, because David had not just this one opportunity with Saul. There's another one just a couple chapters later where again Saul was hunting David, getting close, and David had an opportunity to take him out. And David says, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not going to give those who hurt me what they deserve. How hard is that around the table? But here's where I would go with that is 1 Peter 3, 8 and 9. Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, evil with blessing, because to this you were called, so that you may inherit a blessing. The Bible also talks about turning the other cheek, forgiving 70 times seven. Love your enemies. We need to be that for our families first. They need to find safety with us, they need to find a safe place where they are hurting. It's like think of someone coming into a hospital and all of a sudden they are, I mean, they're bleeding because they just had some power tool accident. They were using it the way they shouldn't, and they just there's just blood everywhere. And the doctor says, Wow, you really shouldn't have done that. No, no, whatever it was you did. You do triage first again. Yeah, the the conversation may come later, but you do triage first and you say, Let's take care of the hurting first. That is what we're supposed to be doing as ambassadors of grace, as ambassadors of Christ, is being hands and feet of Jesus in this.

SPEAKER_00:

Please don't play with power tools. I'm I'm getting this Thanksgiving really weird um uh mental other than the chainsaw for carving the turkey.

SPEAKER_02:

That is that's all I think I'll use it for.

SPEAKER_00:

So that's good, Brad. I mean, it this is the Romans 5 resurrection power, the ability to show grace because we have that resurrection power living in us. Those love scriptures, um love is patient, love is kind. Well, the one that always jumps out to me is love doesn't keep a list, it doesn't keep a record of wrongs. And you know, you can tell when you've kept one because you're in those heated moments with the family member, you're getting really annoyed, and something from the past comes up. This is just like you, um, especially when it's being slung at you. Philippians 2 says this do everything without grumbling or arguing. This is just follow this for a second, because they don't seem like a big deal sometimes, grumbling. Do everything without grumbling or arguing, insert maybe with your family members, so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Please don't call your family warped and crooked when you're with them. Then then listen to this. Scratch the arguing, the complaining, then you'll shine among them, those family members, like stars in the sky, as you hold firmly to the word of life. Try this. Put that family member name after the word among. Then you will shine among Joseph, then you will shine among Jennifer, um, like stars in the sky. They're gonna want what you have. Proverbs 16, 44. I'm sorry, Proverbs 16, 24, grace words, gracious words, are a honeycomb. Sweet to the soul, healing to the bones. Man, there's power in encouragement. Instead of turning around and and responding to their angry words with encouragement. There's actually, according to this scripture, I believe there's a physiological response, like mentally, physically, it's just good for our bones when we respond in encouragement. We've all felt it be specific in a compliment, be thoughtful. There's healing in them words.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, let me uh uh share this because it's really true. And for anyone that may be thinking right now, it's just a quick note that there are parents, grandparents who have watched their children make some bad decisions that have led to the hurt. And sometimes I know that in those positions, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, whoever it is, say, Well, this is my opportunity. They don't come home much anymore, they don't reach out much anymore. This is my chance, and they need to hear the truth. I I get that. I really do get that feeling that you feel like if you share the truth with my one opportunity, yeah, that it'll turn things around. But Jesus clearly models, and the Bible tells us we need to love with grace and truth. And maybe this is the season where yes, the truth is important, but but maybe this is the season where the grace you show will build a bridge to being able to share that truth. Maybe showing grace this time around will enable them to say, I want to come home again. I want to call mom or dad again. I want they listened to me. I didn't feel judged. So let me just encourage you with that. Maybe maybe it's hard to do because the truth is important, but for this season, maybe that grace is what the hurting need.

SPEAKER_00:

Boy, that that will so open a door. And you know what? Odds are if it's a child, a family member, they already know what you think about it. Like if it's a political thing, if it's a political thing or a spiritual thing, a disagreement, uh we all kind of know where each other is coming from. But that is powerful, Brad. You're right. Maybe this is just the holiday, maybe this is the gathering to just show them grace and let that open the door.

SPEAKER_02:

I kind of think it just comes to mind uh Kevin McAllister in Home Alone. Uh he knows the guys are coming. Is that the kid he was left behind? Yeah, he was the kid. Yeah. If that's your approach to the holidays this year, roll it up, tuck it away, pull out a new map and say, Grace. Oh my grace, man. Grace on it and go for it.

SPEAKER_00:

I really love that, man. Come with the prepared heart.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Come into these with the prepared heart. We'll get into that in a little bit later. But can I can I hit destination?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because number three is so key for all of us to focus in on.

SPEAKER_00:

This is big. Give grace as we have received grace. Give grace as we have received grace. Yeah. It's I'm about to try a word that I really struggle with saying. I I can't pronounce it. I have some my mouth doesn't ever want to say what my mind is saying. It's the word reciprocal. You did it. I did it. Usually I'm like repethrafa. It's reciprocal. We have been given the ultimate in grace by our Savior. Man, we can show grace to our family members.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and I think we've we mentioned David before. I think David gives us a glimpse of this because in Psalm 51, verse 1, which is the awful, heartbreaking, he's made this decision with Bathsheba that has led to adultery, murder, all these things. And he gets to Psalm 51 where he says, Have mercy on me, O God, which means the mercy is stoop in kindness, according to your unfailing love, which is the word chesed, which Jesse, I have the guard on the mic, so we're good. But um that has to be a Hebrew word. It is, it's always according to your great compassion. He is David's crying out to the Lord, and he realizes in these moments that God's grace is greater than his sin. We've all experienced that. That Jesus shows us grace not depending on how we've treated him. He's shown us grace because of who he is. Our grace should not depend on how we've been treated, our grace should not depend on how many times we've had to give it. Because there's a uh uh song He Giveth More Grace by Annie Johnson Flint that just says, He giveth and giveth and giveth again. So if we're gonna be a man and a woman after God's own heart, we need to show grace like David received and like we have received from God, from Jesus, through his death, through his resurrection, and have grace greater than the sins against us.

SPEAKER_00:

That's awesome. Before you get together with your family members, maybe just go back to those huge grace moments, those incredible moments, times from the Lord, and get into that mode. One of my greatest ones was in 1988 when I got serious about the Lord and I ended up just uh repenting and and I was in a hotel room and and just on my face and so amazed by God's amazing grace. See, the thing is once you've been transformed by grace, you want others to have the same. If you love them, you want them to have that moment too. Holidays with the family is the perfect opportunity. A couple quick things about forgiveness. Um when when someone's really upset with you, or even upset with another family member, actually take some time to listen. Put on your patient's helmet and ask them why they feel that way. Even if you disagree with them, that'll say something to them that you actually care about how they feel. And look, when it's necessary, ask their forgiveness. Even if they have hurt you, you go, Well, that's not fair. They haven't asked my forgiveness. That's up to them. You're the ambassador of grace. Ask for forgiveness when necessary. It can be hard, but it's so powerful, it's so healing. A few quick practical tips um for this season. Uh remember, come with a prepared heart. Remember, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, and also your tone and also the eye rolls, those all speak too. Um pray, then pray more. That the the widow and the judge, um, you keep going to the father. It it um it blesses him and he blesses you. Um, when you pray, be in the moment, be specific. Take breaks, um, not cigarette breaks, maybe a pumpkin pie break. There you go. You know, just just to catch your breath. Maybe try focusing discussions on things that you both believe and you both are interested in. Talk about those nostalgic moments, connect there instead of the areas where you disagree. And and finally, just try to keep perspective. A lot of times it's only a few days. Go, this is this is my time to represent Jesus rather than try to survive something awful.

SPEAKER_02:

So good. I if you need to skip back, listen to those again, those are really practical helps that you can take with you. For me, it comes down to this we each have a choice to make going into this season ahead. Are we gonna choose the status quo of a graceless world or are we gonna make the mad choice, the make-a-difference choice of being ambassadors of grace, starting with our families, where we will say, I'm gonna pass the grace around to my family in these weeks, in these next couple of months ahead. Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

Um Philippians 4 15 and 16. Be very careful now how you live. Not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Folks, time is short. Stop looking at family time as something to get through, but rather a beautiful opportunity to show family members who Jesus is, turning away from anger, kind words in response to harsh ones, encouraging, even if they're not. They will want what you have, they will want the Jesus you have, they'll surprise you at some moment and they'll want that because they've seen it. If they're not a believer, then maybe they will find salvation through seeing that in you. And if they are a believer and if they are a believer, maybe Maybe they'll find the kind of relationship you have with Jesus and they'll want that for themselves.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm going to pray for you as you're listening to this today. I want to pray for you as head into this season ahead and we'll wrap up our time together. Heavenly Father, you know what each person listening is walking into as they have more time with family in the days and weeks ahead. And we just pray that you would be with each person, starting with us, and then all those who are listening, that they would be able to be ambassadors of grace. We know that some have faced some deep hurts from family things that have happened, from drama, from choices that have been made. But we pray that they would be able to lean into your power, your strength, your mercy, your wisdom, and be salt and light, be ambassadors of grace, Lord. We pray that we would each walk away from this season ahead, saying, I may not have done it perfect, but I made a difference in my family. Lord, we just pray for the peace of Christ to reign around all these family tables in these days ahead. We love you, Lord, and pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. So all of us to all of you, until next time, go back.