7 Sentences Our Spouses Need to Hear

Looking for practical, doable steps you can take to strengthen your marriage or the marriage of someone you care about? You've come to the right place! In this episode, we talk about seven sentences that our spouses need to hear. There are probably way more than only 7 sentences our spouses need to hear, but hey, these just might be a good place for you to start! 

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Transcript

Why Seven Sentences Matter

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hey, on today's episode of Go Mad with Doug and Brad, seven sentences our spouses need to hear. Not six, not eight. There are seven of them. Whether you've been married for six months or sixty years, you're gonna find something for you today. So hey, let's go mad.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Welcome everyone to Go Mad with Doug and Brad and Jesse. We are glad you have joined us today for seven sentences our spouses need to hear.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

All right, seven sentences to never say to your spouse, I'm ready to go. Wait, honey, it's actually your turn to do the dishes. Honey, sorry, but I spent the mortgage money on the TV baseball package.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Do you guys have any? Oh my goodness, Doug, I don't know. I did not know those were coming. It's seven sentences our spouses need to hear, not not never, not so sorry, honey. It's decaf. Oh, that would get you in trouble, Jesse. Oh I might need a minute.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

Just give me a second. So funny. All right, I'll try anyway. Should we just jump right? I mean, why are we why in the world are we doing this? I mean, been married for four months, everything's going awesome. I don't need these. Maybe I've been married for 40 years, and um You go, boy, I sure wish I had heard these uh long time ago. No matter how long you've been married, you can you can listen to these, write them down, put them on your fridge. Um where else could they put them, Brad?

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Well, here's the thing. I want people to know. I sometimes, I'm I'm a rare guy like this. Yes. I forget things sometimes. I know I'm the only one. Uh at least you don't forget titles to be what the subject is. I might be in trouble. The for me, really, that that's why we're doing this today, is because we're gonna go through these and you're gonna be like, oh yeah, they a lot of these you're getting back. I already do that. But for me, there's some of these that have just fallen off the list. And and in fact, one of the ones I'm gonna cover today is something I have to do better with. And as I'm getting ready for this, I'm just like, Brad, you dumkoff, would you please do you usually speak to yourself in German? Often. I don't even know if that's German, but yes, Yavol. I do. Yavol! So so that's why we're doing this.

SPEAKER_03 2:31

That's a great point. I was as I was preparing this, so I've been married over 30 or 31 years now. You and Sarah have been married. Insert the applause track, whatever. Put it in there, Jesse. Jesse's like, what's an applause track? Uh we the three of us, the three of us have each been married to our wives uh for some time. And and uh I was doing the same thing as I was I was thinking about this and researching it and getting into scripture. I was like, yeah, I should either probably start doing that or or uh be doing that more. So hopefully this will this will um be a blessing for you and will will uh maybe help spice things up in the marriage.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Here's what I would say. Uh Doug's gonna dive into the first one here, but if you know anyone that's married or thinking of getting married, share this with them. Share the episode, especially newlyweds. We really do believe there's some practical advice in here that can help people. So it as Doug said, it's for however long you've been married. This is a great reminder, great input. But share with newlyweds and I get this out there to other people.

SPEAKER_03 3:36

Yeah, yeah. If you're not married, uh keep listening. You're gonna be Mr. Smarty Pants to people. They're gonna be like, that dude, that lady, she got he got wisdom. There we go. Have we uh introduced this long enough? We have, go for it. The alarm's going off, the intro alarm's going off. All right, I'm gonna start us off with one here. Our first

I Only Have Eyes For You

SPEAKER_03 3:57

uh sentence that we need to say to our spouse, I only have eyes for you. I've only got eyes for you. Wow, that's beautiful. Thank you. Can we all try that together? I know I was gonna be just you know, uh I was looking for some good scripture here, and of course, anytime you're gonna be talking marriage, you end up in Song of Solomon. Quick little thing here. My son, when he's like nine years old, I'm not kidding, he decides to read this book first in the Bible. Let's just say plenty of awkward silences after a few of his questions. Um, but I love this scripture. This says it all. So I only have eyes for you. Song of Solomon, I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine. I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me, or her desire is for me. If your wife, if your husband can say that with confidence, you're doing something right. Um it's honey, I'm not going anywhere. And and and you know, there's there's so many things in our culture, social media, stuff we watch, listen to, read, that that um can I think maybe make a a spouse, even if they're confident in their marriage, nervous, like especially if um especially if they've they've uh maybe had some things in their past that that can stir those things up. So a little advice here. Um what I try to do, be specific. Um when when you're when you're sharing why uh you only have eyes for him, for her. Maybe something about their physical features or personality or things you appreciate. I do this with Anna, and I think it kind of embarrasses her embarrasses her. She's like, okay, can we get the focus off me? That's the way she always is. But then other times she just smiles and says, Thank you, honey. I needed that. I mean, I want her to know the things that attracted me 30 years ago still do today. And and I try not to only say this, but I try to honor her in my actions so she knows she's the only one. This happened just the other day. We're watching something on Netflix, and it happens like it happens so often when you're watching, you're not expecting it, and here comes some uh uh uh someone dressed the way they're showing a little bit too much, showing off a little bit too much, and who knew that my iPhone could be such a strategic shield? So I literally, if that happens, the iPhone goes in front of my eyes, and and I kind of plug my ears and and I hit fast forward, hoping that I'm somehow gonna guess that I got like just past it perfectly, so we don't like lose the plot. But she's told me, Anna's told me she appreciates that, but get this. So I asked Anna uh uh about this. I said, is there anything I do or don't do that helps you know that you're the only one for me? I was not expecting this. She said, I think it boils, I'm gonna quote her here. I think it boils down to your relationship with God. I know you wouldn't dishonor dishonor him in that way. The Bible says to have a relationship with your wife like Christ has with the church. So when you're serious about honoring him, you're serious about honoring me. That's where my confidence comes from comes from the most in your relationship with me. So, real quick here, uh uh some uh practical idea. Have some set of tie aside time during the day where it's only him, where it's only her. Some I heard this 10-minute talk rule. I don't know exactly what it is, but I heard about it recently where you just say we're taking 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

The daily delay is our pastor calls.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

The daily delay. No phone, uh get somewhere where maybe the kids are aren't gonna be a part of things, and just talk to each other, not not with lists of chores you need to do, but just about each other. Uh if you're always distracted in everyday life with them, it's harder for them to believe you've only got your focus on them. Real quick, also don't underestimate the power of a personal light, physical touch. Just even like a three-second back rubber holding his or her hand can make a big difference saying, I've only got eyes for you.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Yeah, the only thing I would add to that, uh, because that was great, Doug. The um oh the I'll I'll make this PG in case you're listening to this in uh the um uh car with children kicking the back somewhere. But I what did that man say, Daddy? The the word of God says may her body always satisfy you. Uh I guess a little more specific, but um we our spouse needs to know that he or she satisfies us, that we are that we're not looking other places for that satisfaction, and I love that. So that's a a great first look at uh number one, the first sentence. I do. Uh this is uh now this is going to be, I think, especially the guys tensing up when I say this. Uh by the way, we should clarify you need to say these sentences and mean them. All right. Uh don't don't just go. It doesn't have to be word for word. I see a guy coming up with a note card. No, and he's gonna read the seven sentences and walk away and be like, done, I've checked it off my list because we're checklists. So,

I’m Available Today To Help

SPEAKER_01 9:29

second sentence, I'm available today. Tell me how I can help. Oh, someone just turned off the show. Hopefully, they turn it back on. This is about letting your spouse know I'm on your side, I've got your back. We are a team, it's about teamwork, it's about partnership. Hey, and guess what? The word of God has something to say about this. Genesis 2:18, God says, It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper. Ecclesiastes 4 9, two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. God has wired us as relational people, as doing life together. And so, you know, there's all these jokes about the honeydew list, and maybe you're a little nervous about how much might be on that list. You're sitting there saying, if I say I'm available today, I know that there's just this long list. And I, for me, this is where it gets a little amusing. Because for me, I know half the things on Sarah's list, I don't know how to do. It's like, well, fix the car. I'm like, fix the car. I don't know. I there's the discombobulator. Yeah, I'll just I'll pull that out. That's about all I know. That's uh, and and I'll I'll I'll wire this. But um, I you know, so you may be concerned about that, but don't let it keep you from saying the words. Because if first of all, just your spouse knowing you're available to them for husbands or wives to say that means a lot. If you're not able to do everything, do something. Start with something, and the more often you let your husband and your wife know that you're available, check this out. This this is gonna be a meme, I'm sure. Uh the less time that there is for that honey do list to build into a honey don't list. Uh I went Homer. There we go.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

I understand what that means.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

You I'm making it a meme. You're you know, and as soon as I know what a meme is, sometimes you're scared of that list and it's like, don't, because you've let it build for so long. You haven't said those words of I'm available today. So that's just kind of uh my uh first sentence I'm going with here is I'm available today, or just tell me how I can help.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

You know what the the key is there? I love that, Brad, is the today part. Like wait till you can confidently say that when you've got a couple hours and and do it soon. I mean, the the um and maybe even here's another crazy thought maybe try to anticipate it where there's not a super long list, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Um I'm available today as soon as I get back from the golf course. I'm available. That's not if you if you show that you're choosing for for the guys here that are listening. If you choose you're showing choosing her over whatever else that she knows you could be choosing, oh my goodness, it speaks volumes.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

Boy, that's so true. That's good, man. Um so let's see. That's two. Yeah. I got a third one here.

I’m Praying For You

SPEAKER_03 12:46

All right. Now, this is this one you go it hang out with me here for a second. Because you're gonna go, oh yeah, well, this is so obvious, but hang on. So the third one, I'm praying for you. Um now a couple things here. First of all, um when you uh do this, uh you can kind of come across as, well, there are some issues that you have. Um you don't want to do the um honey, uh, I'm praying for you that you get your act together. This is not a time to um to uh uh to try to cleverly say some things in your prayers that you that you're wishing that she would do. This is I again I asked Anna about this, my wife, and she said maybe say more than that. I'm praying for us. That and I'm praying for me that I will. But the point is here that you're making it clear to your spouse that prayer is an important part of your relationship. I got this little kind of cheesy looking statue a couple years ago, and it's just it's just uh uh a man and a woman kneeling down in prayer, and we put it right next to our bed so that we would be reminded, because the you know, the the all of the things of the day, all of the thing all the stuff you gotta do and and and the kids and work, you can it can not be a priority pretty quickly. Um so I'm praying for us. You know, a a couple of uh specifics here. Maybe send a text during the work day with with a sentence, I'm praying for that meeting I know you've got today. Uh, maybe a sticky note where you know they'll find it, a dashboard, the bathroom mirror, the briefcase, the gym bag. Um and maybe maybe even communicate some scripture that you're praying through for them. Just something simple. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So maybe you put his or her name in there. I know the Lord can do all things through you because he's strengthening you today, and I'm praying for you. Maybe write out for them exactly what you'll be praying. Here's exactly what I'm praying for you. Um, and hey, maybe send it along with something that they love. A Kit Kat Bar. There we go. Kit Kat Bar is in prayer. What a team. Uh, you have a piece of that. I'm singing again. Oh no. Uh a quick note here before we hear our fourth one here. Uh I I mentioned this once to somebody and they said, you know what? When we try to pray, it's so embarrassing. I said, What do you mean? They said, It's so intimate. And that's true. If you've ever if you're not used to praying with your spouse and you each bow your head and you start praying, especially about your marriage, it can f it's so intimate. But don't run from that because that is that is something that you want. You want to be connecting deep at that level. Dudes, especially are, you know, if you're praying together, uh pray, I will be a good man. That's not a bad way to start, but even if it's um even if you even if you feel a little embarrassed when you start, I promise that if you make it a habit, that you won't it won't feel as embarrassing to you, and you are gonna see some awesome stuff, trust me, happen in your marriage when you when you start to be committed to this. Yeah, I'm praying for you.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

The only thing I would say with that is uh Ted, too. I'm praying for you. You could start with I I know this is breaking the rules of sentences, how can I pray for you? Because then you know you or you could start, I'm praying for you, how can I be praying for you? Tell me, tell me some specific things that way you you head off that loaded, oh I'm praying for you. And I do oh, I need prayer now. I hate dueling banjo prayers, I really do, where you mentioned just kind of that expressing your what you're thinking through the prayer where it's like and all of a sudden you're just like, I pray they will be cleaner. I pray that they will do the dishes. I pray that they're somehow the dishes will be clean when I get worried today. So I think that knowing specific ways to pray, and you you nailed it, Doug, the uh follow-up sentence really is let's pray together. And that's what I need to do better on. I I mean we pray a lot and we pray for each other and we pray as a family, but just taking more time to pray just with her, uh, I know I can do better with.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

So by the way, I'm not sure why my voice keeps cracking like I'm my voice is changing as a 13-year-old. Well, it keeps happening. Jesse late onset. Jesse, can you fix it in post?

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Oh, I can I can fix it. I can do it. It just lowers it.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

All right, so I'm going to uh sentence number four here. All right, all right.

We’ve Got To Go Out

SPEAKER_01 17:48

We've got to go out this weekend.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

Oh, oh, now let me say real quick. This is one Brad's an expert at. If we feel like you've got so many goods for that, no, there was I have stretches, but I'm not in a good stretch with that.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Now, okay, so there's been creative dates, and Sarah and I uh have prioritized this, especially in certain seasons. Right now, I need to do better with this. Um, the I if you want to be a little more creative with this, it's so funny you've sung twice because I have a song here. Because you could walk in the door and said, We've got to go out this weekend, join Billy Holiday and singing, grab your coat and get your head leave your reasons on the doorstep. All right, anyway. Um, not the table. It's you leave them on the door. I'm not sure I know that song. You don't? No. Well, I do now. You're older than me. All right, anyway.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

Thank you now.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Uh so you you want to prioritize the romance ongoing in your relationship, but you mentioned the uh we're talking about daily delay. This is what again, our pastor would call weekly withdrawal. Uh, you're you're you're pulling away from whether kids or or priorities, work stuff, and everything, you're making this the priority. Check out this study from the Institute for Family Studies, which uh is that sounds so made up.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

I'm just gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

No, it's a think tank, and Jess and I were talking about we don't know how you start a think tank, but we are. Uh you're starting one, but think tanks. This is one that does tons of studies on family research and everything else. Stick with me here because 52% of husbands and wives report never or rarely going on dates. So if 52%. Oh my goodness. If you're you're in the majority, unfortunately, if you say you rarely or never go on dates, spouses who say they have regular date nights are 14% less likely to even consider divorce, 20% more like more than 20% more likely to say they are very committed to their relationship, 20% more likely to say they are very happy in how they communicate, and they are 21% more likely to say they are very happy with their bow chicka wow wow, again, the PG version.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Song of Solomon.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

There we go, there we go. So all of this shows, and this is from a big survey that was done. The continued pursuit of your spouse is important. Pursuit. God wired us to do life together as husbands and wives. The two become one. We're supposed to be doing life together. This isn't just about living life together, and that's important. The the how we communicate about work, the communication, the way we have brief conversations over a meal, uh, driving the kids to where they need to go next, or even having fun as a family. This is beyond that. This is saying, uh, because those can be part and should be part of a good marriage, but there still needs to be regular time where you pull away together. I know there are people who are saying, because I've been there, I'm too busy, we're exhausted. I get that. So, what is regular? When we say regular date night, because I was curious as I'm looking at all these stats and everything, once or twice a month is what would consider regular. So if you go out, if you're going none a month right now and you move to none a month one a month, it's going to make a difference. And I, as I'm reading through this and as I was preparing for this, I realized I need to do better with this, and I'm gonna do better with this because it makes a difference in marriage. So what you may be starting out, and you're like, of course we're going out. We love each other four times a day. Or maybe you're someone who's just like, Life is beating me down. I and you know, whatever season you're in, come up with that phrase, show up at the house and say, We've got to go out this weekend.

SPEAKER_03 21:59

Uh And then follow through on it. And then follow through on it. That is really good. A couple things. Is Bao Chikawow the original Greek? I guess if it's in Song of Solomon, the original Hebrew. Bao Chica Wow. It's in there. I forget so much that I've learned in college, I'll tell you. Um I I I a quick bit of advice here. Take it from a guy that needs to do better at this as well, because boy, can life take over. And and you let life have the reins of your relationship. It's interesting to me. There's this isn't obviously a direct correlation, but it's interesting that like 50% of people are going on regular or feel like that's important to go on regular dates, and about 50% divorce rate. Um it it's obviously not a direct correlation. That is not a scientific study. Yeah. But you're right, there's something about going on a date that says this is important, this relationship is still important to me.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Yeah, and let me say that there are people, I I do think there are some, just to address this briefly, there are some honestly who your marriage isn't in a good place, and so you're a little nervous about going out alone together. You you found you find comfort and solace and protection in the kids being around, in life happening around you, in hanging out with friends, uh, in going in your different directions for your activities, your hobbies, and everything. But that's why the this is even more important in those seasons. You don't don't be nervous about it, even if the communication isn't great. Well, maybe start by going to see a movie because where you don't maybe have to talk as much or do something fun. Go mini golfing, something where it's not just this, we must sit across from each other and say all the words. Maybe it's just experiencing life together and having some fun together.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Wow, what a that's a great point. Because if it's been a while, it it it it can almost maybe feel as embarrassing as like the first time that you asked, right? You know, or him out. I'm just gonna say real quick, it might guys take some leadership here. Men, take some leadership here. I I uh the I the other day I realized I it seriously, it it's been months since probably three or four months since we have gone out on just her and me. Yeah. So a couple days ago, I I walked in the kitchen, I hit I said, honey, this Friday, five o'clock, here's where we're going. I'm gonna do that after. I don't mean being a bully about it. And if and if she's like, I'm I uh I already have my knitting class that day or something, don't be a jerk about it. But you know what I mean. Be had take some leadership in it. Speaking of leadership, I feel awful because there's a man right behind me in front of you that has great wisdom. We have not asked him about a sentence, and he's got a great marriage. So Jesse, do you got one for us? We got three. We're like halfway through. What do you got, man?

SPEAKER_01 25:05

We've done four.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

We've done four, like I said, we've done halfway half. We're listening on a prayer, more singing. Wow, more singing. Do you got one, Jesse?

SPEAKER_00 25:12

Yeah, uh

Thank You For What You Do

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Brad, you brought up before how uh you there are things that your wife does that you go, I I don't know how to do that. And I I think the more you go along in marriage, the more you realize there are things that my spouse is good at and does that I am not good at, and vice versa. And you find yourself assuming those roles kind of naturally, and so you start thinking, of course I'm going to do the laundry, of course you're going to schedule the kids' doctor's appointments, of course I'm gonna show up at the parent-teacher conference, and of course you're gonna do the dishes, and these things just kind of fall into place naturally, and you forget that the other person is doing something that you don't you're not good at, or that doesn't come naturally to you, and you take it for granted. And when I say you, I mean me. Uh I have found myself recently going I my wife does things that I just take, I just say, Oh, of course she does that, because I do my things, you know? I'm gonna take out the trash, I'm gonna whatever it is. And I'm like, of course she's gonna do those things, and I don't say thank you. And I'm realizing saying just the simple words, thank you for thank you for scheduling the kids' doctor's appointments. It doesn't happen automatically, even though I feel like it does. I think it just it just sprouts up. Of course it's going to happen because my wife is going to do it. No, when I say thank you for picking that up on the way home from work, thank you for spending time with um with our daughter when she needed to talk, um that shows her uh what you are doing, the the repetitive daily grind, it's not going unnoticed. It really means something, it matters, and it matters to me. Uh man, I I want to do that better. I notice what you're doing. Thank you for doing it, even if uh it feels like to me that's just something that happens automatically.

SPEAKER_03 27:16

That is so good. It really is.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

The way you put that too, just love it.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

The the being specific thing, and even um follow-up sentence, because when I see you do that, I know how much you love our kids, or because that it helps them to know that you meant it. So that's specific. I really like that, Jesse.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

That the the for word in there, thank you for, um, is really key. And you know, you can do that pretty simply through a text. In fact, I just thought of something as you were saying that that I'm gonna text Sarah about as soon as uh we're done recording this, just that you know, she did this morning that I am very that I'm grateful she did that I didn't have to do then.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

So now I'm a little concerned we have yet to sing during this uh this point, this sentence. Do we need to?

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Man, I I can't think of a I can think of one thank you song, but it doesn't really fit. So that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

So let's move on. Hey Brad, how's this for a segue?

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Do you have nothing with the grateful heart? All right, anyway, that's the musical. Go mad the musical.

SPEAKER_03 28:27

Why am I listening to this?

SPEAKER_01 28:29

They're not uh anymore. Um so the the uh I love that one, Jesse. Uh the number six sentence, you know, because there's six seven coming up. Sorry, I had to, I had to do it. I don't understand it. No one does. Um, all right.

I’m Proud To Be Yours

SPEAKER_01 28:44

So six seven. I'm proud to be your husband, I'm proud to be your wife. That is a wonderful sentence for our spouses to hear. And again, you you'll you'll it's a recurring theme. Be specific. And I'm gonna get to a little grid for that. But Romans 12 10 says, I love the this version of it. Outdo each other in showing honor. I we should be when we're saying I'm proud to be your husband, I'm proud to be your wife, we should be looking to outdo each other with that. Just make it a competition. I know a lot of guys are competitive. There's a lot of women that are too. Just outdo each other. With uh it's like, oh, they said that. Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna keep it.

SPEAKER_03 29:25

I mean, I just got a mental picture of a guy running through the house with his arms raised, just going, I did it! I won!

SPEAKER_01 29:33

I won. If you're gonna win it, something win it that. Philippians 2, 3, value others above yourself. So I uh you know, we've talked about the honor list before, but I I want to give a little bit of a template for for this because you may be thinking, Well, I can go say that, I'm proud to be your husband. If you're especially if you're the guy saying that, odds are your wife is going to say why, or she's going to say, I don't deserve that, or I don't feel that way. And being specific helps underscore why that is. And some of it ties into, I think, some of the things you say thank you for. But if you check out Proverbs 10, uh, Proverbs 31, 10 through 31, yes, it's mostly about a wife of noble character, but it also does say some things about the husband as well in there. And I believe you read through that, I believe both husbands and wives can find an honoring guide here, a proud of you guide for some specifics. This is just uh a list based on some of the verses in there, saying you're proud of them for ways they've shown wisdom and discernment, for ways they've shown diligence and hard work, uh, areas that they've shown generosity, areas they've shown faithfulness to God, how they care for the children, and and that uh whether that's husbands or wives, it's a lot easier because the the the wives take uh Sarah takes a lot more care for a lot more hours of the kids. I can there are things I'm so proud of her for the way she does that, including homeschooling our kids. I that I'm proud of her for that, their trustworthiness. You could say you're proud of them for being trustworthy in this and for their integrity to be able to say, I love how you, I'm proud of you for the way that you didn't take the easy way and you made the hard choice in this, but because it was the right choice. So those are just some a little bit of a template for if you're like, well, where do I start? Those are some areas you could look at to say, well, where where can I lean into and say, I'm proud of you for this?

SPEAKER_03 31:36

That is so good. You know, um one of that's one of my favorite scriptures, outdo one another in showing honor. What about, and I love I love the way we that that you put it. Um I'm proud to be your husband, proud to be your wife, but what about I'm honored to be your husband? I'm honored to be your wife, and here's why, you know? Um man, that's so good. Uh so we're already on number seven. We are how is this possible? Um so here we go. Another

I’m Sorry Without Excuses

SPEAKER_03 32:07

another no duh Doug one, but let's unpack it a little bit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Um like Brad said, here's the theme. Specific, specific, specific. Um again, if you say I'm sorry, you can probably expect, well, for what? Why? Um let me start with this. Don't qualify your apologies with what I call a non-apology apology. Um, taking full ownership of your actions here that did the damage. So try not for this one. No, um I'm sorry you feel that way. Oh. I'm so sorry you took it like that. Oh man. That makes it worse. You know, there are these four-letter words that are awful words that can do damage. There's a three-letter word that can ruin an apology. But I'm sorry, but you didn't. But I want to include that. That's all that's. Of course you do. We it takes, I really believe that the enemy uh who hates believers, uh, he hates marriage, he hates a committed marriage, he hates families. So I think he really gives special attention to this one because it takes such humility to just say I blew it without any qualifications. And by if you're waiting for them, sometimes people are, yeah, I'll I'll say I'm sorry when they say they're sorry. Guess what? You're not really sorry if you're doing that. That scripture, don't let the sun go down on your anger. Take it literally. I mean, be honest, if you guys ever been there, because I have about to go to bed, that anger or maybe just frustration is still hanging in the air. There's kind of that awkward, heavy silence in the room. You ever know you can go to bed feeling a little sick and wake up the next morning and it's just full-blown crud. I'm sorry to be so gross. Uh in your well, I don't have to say where the crud is, but but something like that happens when you let unapologized for junk marinate over time. It hardens. You know, those sometimes there's grudges people have and they can't even remember what it was for. Uh, really, don't go to sleep until you've got that whatever that thing is. Take care of it while it's still soft.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

Uh real quick, you know, on that other uh in that verse, just so people know, uh I someone pointed this out to me because I agree that you've got to deal with the stuff when it's small and when before it grows bigger. Part of that verse um has the uh inclination of your taking time also to ruminate on on the situation, that you're not reacting. That basically you're you're thinking, man, I need to I need to process this too. So make sure you also process the situation and don't just bah. Don't just don't just react. And because it makes the apology mean more when it's like, man, I really realize what has happened here.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

That's good. Um one thing I've learned the hard way here with the I'm sorry thing, tone and body language apparently um can communicate louder than the words you're saying. Um eye rolls, generally not a good idea. When when when you're um communicating your heart for uh the that's apology, sarcasm, not so good either. Um and like I said, not waiting until they feel sorry too. Um sometimes just be the bigger man or be the bigger woman and apologize first. Um occasionally, I I think it's probably better to do it face to face and with words, but sometimes something might be so difficult and something that has been something going on for a long time. Maybe maybe you write something, maybe you write a a letter and you just and this is why I'm sorry. Um and and one other quick bit of advice with the um I'm sorry sentence, maybe plan your response. If if you say, and I don't mean in a disingenuous way where you're holding up a note card go and reading from it with the your response, but if you if you genuinely mean it, you're sorry. Um and and why? What is it why are you sorry about that? Your response, you can really blow it with this and kind and start to put it back on her or start to put it back on him. So just know what you want to say in response. Um so maybe rather than responding with oh good, it's about time that you came to that conclusion. Thinking or communicating where you've also been at fault, so that real quick you communicate, it takes two to tango here. Yeah, and uh I know I'm at fault in this as well.

SPEAKER_01 37:15

And let's remember on any of these sentences, it's not about uh we we can't control the response. That's so true. We can take the initiative and and don't be offended by the response or whatever. Just keep trying, keep keep working on these things. Um, and I would say the with the I'm sorry, it helps you hit the reset button a lot of times, and uh even as you process things, and I I love that. And the only thing I would add to it is always remember who the real enemy is. And the hint is it's not your spouse and it's not the in-laws. The real enemy is the devil who wants to destroy godly marriages, who wants to tear apart relationships. So make sure you you realize that so that you can approach it in a healthy biblical right way.

SPEAKER_03 38:07

That's so good.

Final Takeaways And Listener Challenge

SPEAKER_03 38:08

Uh and we should say, as we wrap up here, we should say, look, these aren't we're not trying to say these are magic sentences, uh you you say it and everything is fixed, but they really can. The scripture, especially pay attention to the scripture behind it. Um, and and look, sometimes it's gonna take some therapy, it's gonna take going to a marriage counselor to make things better. But try these. Try these and and be intentional about it.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

Because these are seven sentences our spouses need to need to hear. And I would love to say if you've got one that you would add to the list that you're like, man, I I think you guys should consider this one. And hey, maybe we'll do another episode uh about it. But go to our Facebook comment, uh any of our socials, comment, let us know, send us an email. We'd love to hear from you if you've got some that you would add to the list.

SPEAKER_03 38:59

Leave a rating for us, maybe uh a uh a review or on Apple. That'd be great. Or uh, yeah. So hey, we've got five out of five stars right now on Apple Reviews. We do. Now there's only been one, and it was by our dad. Uh yeah. No, there's actually it's it's going pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

We're excited. Uh we're gonna be uh going straight through summer is the goal this year. So uh no no breaks, so make sure we got some great episodes coming up, some great topics we're gonna be covering.

SPEAKER_03 39:27

Different stuff coming up. It's gonna it's gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

So looking forward to it. From us to all of you, until next time.

SPEAKER_03 39:34

Go back.